The Doomiest Christmas of Them All
by HettyBobcat
Summary: When Zim brings the Santa monster back from space to destroy the world, Dib may be the only one who can stop him! No pairings. Tried to maintain the original feel of the show


Legal jargon:

Invader Zim and all related characters and titles are the creative property of Viacom/Nickelodeon and/or Jhonen Vasquez. All use of these characters, settings, and titles are intended for non-profit fan-work and not intended to infringe upon the rights of said owners/creators

Author's Note:

This story contains NO pairings what so ever. In fact, this story is my attempt at recreating the general feel/theme of the actual show.

**The Doomiest Christmas of Them All!**

Zim peered through the powerful lens of his telescope. He made some humming sounds in approval of what he saw. Still gripping the eye piece, he turned his head as he heard the "tinking" sound of GIR's steps across the metal floor of the observatory room.

"GIR! I'm glad you're here!" The miniscule alien shouted unnecessarily. The robot cocked his head innocently.

"Me too."

"GIR, I have come up with another ingenious plot to destroy the humans, but it is time-sensitive so preparations must begin IMMEDIATELY!" Zim went back to looking through the telescope. GIR stood silently as if he were stuck in listening-mode. Nearly a half hour passed before the alien resumed his speech to the frozen bot.

"That filthy, jolly holiday is returning and all the earthen pig-smellies will be waiting for that wretched Santa Claus to give gifts to them." Zim looked back and forth shiftily. "My Christmas plot was thwarted last year by the evil Santa-suit and that despicable Dib, but THIS YEAR will be different. THIS YEAR I, ZIM, WILL BE TRIUMPHANT!!!" he threw his head back, fists clenched in the air maniacally. "Because this year the Santa will return in all his horrible glory and I, ZIM, shall come in its wake to revel in the charred remains of the pitiful and the dying." He started to chuckle softly as if he was recalling a humorous anecdote but his laughter grew and grew to a hoarse and wicked cackle. GIR nodded in agreement before he started giggling himself – joining his master in mad and heaving bellows of mirth – the echoing cacophony of which filled the base.

Still directed to the cosmos, the telescope continued to focus on a distant planetoid and a giant Santa-like monster clinging tenaciously to it.

-----

Dib sat on his sofa in his living room, flipping through the channels with the remote. Christmas time was here again and despite the horrors he'd witnessed throughout his life and despite his lonely and depressing existence, he still anticipated the holiday with a measure of enthusiasm.

Finding a Christmas movie, Dib settled on that channel and relaxed, enjoying the holiday spirit. The black and white images flickered on the screen, depicting a much simpler time. So peaceful and soothing was the film, that it almost lulled Dib to sleep

"We interrupt this movie to bring you late breaking news!" a hyper-looking man in a gray suit and red-and-green stripped tie announced on tv. "NASA's high-powered space-monitoring system has just detected the signature of Santa Claus!!"

Dib puffed out an annoyed sound and rolled his eyes at the interruption. He started to switch channels to find another uninterrupted Christmas program when his eyes widened at the display on the screen.

There it was, painfully familiar and gruesome. Santa. No. Not the jolly saint, but a monster with candy-cane-like tentacles and razor sharp teeth behind a scraggly and radiation-fried, white beard. Fire formed around the creature as it entered into earth's atmosphere. Dib jumped to his feet. "Zim!"

-----

The green alien stood in his front yard wearing his human disguise – a black wig and purple contacts. In his grip was a hugely oversized controller that looked as if it came from an enlarged console gaming system. Zim looked up into the sky as if he could actually see the giant monster as it barreled through the atmosphere. He couldn't, by the way. He used his thumb to manipulate the joystick-like button, his little, red tongue jutting from his mouth, brow furrowed with concentration.

GIR wore his lime-green dog suit. His blank eyes seemed to go off in two different directions as he dug a hole pointlessly in the yard, squealing and grunting all the while.

"Yes. Closer, my pet. Closer, my monster!" Zim cried out as the twinkling in the daytime sky marked the approach of earth's demise. "Today, GIR, I control terror-incarnate! I will destroy the humans and rule the planet!!!"

GIR looked up, dirty-faced to applaud. "Hurray!"

A woman shuffled past on the side walk, looking skeptically at the strange little green boy.

"Uh, did I say destroy the humans? I meant…. Employ the humans! I will employ the humans and rule the planet!"

The woman nodded in approval and continued on her way, worn-out house-shoes scrapping noisily as she walked.

"Whew." Zim wiped non-existent sweat from his forehead and resumed controlling the deadly Santa-bot to earth. "GIR! Get in the Voot Cruiser. We're going to meet our guest."

-----

Despite his anxiousness, Dib remained glued to the television. At the moment, it seemed the best way to monitor the movements of the evil Santa. He stood, body tense and rigid as he stood close to the tv.

He was so absorbed in the movements of the monster that he didn't even hear his sister enter the living room. She sat roughly down on the couch, Game-Slave in hand. She never raised her eyes from the bulky, portable gaming system. With a growl she picked up the remote from the cushion beside her and pressed the button.

"Move your enormous head out of the way. You're blocking the tv."

Dib whipped around, mouth agape at the interruption.

"Gaz! Flip it back, quick! I'm following the descent of that evil Santa monster from last year! He's coming back and I'm sure Zim is behind it. I may be the ONLY ONE who can save the planet and you are SERIOUSLY impeding my ability to do that!"

She threw a pillow at his head. It bounced off harmlessly, but the message it sent was loud and clear. Dib narrowed his eyes. "They say the best burn brightest in the face of adversity." He pep-talked himself as he made for the door. His sister just growled again.

-----

Dib made his way down the street. The icy wind blew harshly and he wrapped his arms around him in a futile attempt to keep warm. As he neared Zim's base, he saw the roof part slowly, his ship rising slowly, preparing for take-off.

"Zim." He uttered the name accusatorily. Flipping his trench coat open, exposing his belt, he gripped the buckle, activating a hidden grappling hook. Wiggling his hips in an almost lewd manner, he aimed the belt toward the ship, shooting the wire out as the ship passed overhead. Dib was jerked off the ground, whizzing through the frigid air behind the Voot.

"This sucks!" He screamed.

-----

The Voot Cruiser slowed to a halt, the Santa looming before them. Dib dangled by his belt below. The cruiser's hatch opened with a hiss as Zim put a foot up on the edge.

"The suit is only barely compliant. It's taking a massive amount of concentration to keep it from going wild! So we have to act quickly, GIR!" Zim shouted directions to his robot. Dib paid close attention, looking for some opportunity or weakness.

Activating a jet-pack, Zim flew the short distance from his ship to the mammoth machine, a small hoop in his hand. Pressing a button, the ring increased a thousand fold in size. The sudden weight change had the small alien struggling in the air to place the collar around the neck of the Santa. Once secured, he drew a line from the collar – a leash, it seemed. That task done, Zim made his way back to his cruiser.

"This leash will help maintain control. Santa, Come!" he announced, closing the hatch to the cruiser, his end of the lead caught securely under the dome. The ship and the creature lowered slowly to the snowy ground below. Seeing the earth come up to him, Dib struggled with his belt, unfastening it and dropping about 10 feet before rolling out of the way, finding an ingenious hiding place – behind a small, scraggly tree.

Zim's ship and the holiday terror landed softly in the snow. Zim hurriedly jumped from the cockpit, still gripping the leash, and climbed atop the behemoth.

Dib watched as Zim slowly pulled the remote control from behind his back.

"Hey, where was he keeping that?" he questioned aloud.

Zim grinned evilly, his serrated teeth clenched, zipper-like. GIR climbed up beside his master and opened his mouth in what Dib could only imagine was also supposed to be a smile.

"I've got to do something! I've got to stop him! I've got to save the world!" Dib shouted to himself. The outburst drew Zim's attention just as his finger was readied over the button.

"Huh? DIB!? How did you find me here?!" Zim shouted, still perched atop the colossal, red and white monstrosity out in plain site.

"You'll never get away with this, Zim! I'm here to stop you… what ever it is you're planning." Dib ended his announcement a little unsure. He honestly had no idea what the alien had planned nor how to stop what ever it would turn out to be! He struck a heroic pose, launching himself forth in a sprint, jumping onto Zim's ship.

"My ship!!" Zim exclaimed, slapping the sides of his face in surprise. "You're already too late, Dib!" And with that, the Irken jumped into the air before diving head first into the globby surface of the Santa suit. He struggled a little, kicking his legs, his muffled cries for assistance going largely unheeded by GIR who started waving his stubby arms wildly, screaming at the top of his robotic voice. Soon enough he wriggled himself within the viscous substance that made up the monster.

"I've got to think of something!" Dib cried. The Santa roared and howled a horrible, screeching sound akin to ripping, twisting metal. It began to lift up on spindly, candy-stripped legs. As it started forward, Dib jumped behind the controls of Zim's ship, closing the hatch and taking off after the Santa.

He zipped along, making unnecessarily evasive maneuvers around the monster which paid no attention to the flitting pest – simply moving forward towards the cityscape.

Dib shot off the weapons, none of which made any damage. The creature simply seemed to absorb the blows.

"Nothing's working!" Dib shouted to himself in desperation.

Within the goopy confines of the suit, Zim cackled at his victory, still clenching the over-sized controller and pounding on the buttons with fervor.

Suddenly, Dib caught site of the leash dangling beneath the yuletide terror. His eyes glinted, he smiled knowingly. He had an idea.

At the threshold of the city, frantic citizens ran screaming at the oncoming destroyer. Utter mayhem broke out, people causing their own bit of carnage with their frenzied attempts to flee.

Dib drew the Voot Cruiser close to the dangling cord, reaching as far as he could while still controlling the ship. He grabbed for it once, and then again. The line kept swinging just beyond his grasp. He avoided the pendulous motions of the legs as he steered. A final lunge, almost costing him his balance, and Dib had the leash in his hand. He climbed back into the safety of the cockpit, raising the ship level with the monstrous head. Foaming drool seeped past the blade-like teeth. With nod of determination, Dib leapt from the cruiser to the Santa monster, itself. He dove deep into the juicy insides.

"I'll be taking that, Zim!" Dib declared. The alien's expression showed nothing less than utter shock. The human grabbed for the controller which Zim jerked away, holding it around his side like a selfish child.

"GIR! Defense mode!"

"Yes, my master!" GIR complied, saluting and eyes flashing. His little stubby dog arms began swinging as fast as they could, making a little whirring sound as he grunted and screamed. But the non-Newtonian fluid in which they floated made movement laborious at best. The doggy-bot inched forward, rather anticlimacticly. Zim slapped a palm to his forehead. Dib took advantage and forced his way slowly to the alien. There ensued a slow and un-epic struggle between the two mortal enemies which ended in Dib triumphantly snatching away the device after poking the alien in the eye in a very unsportsmanlike manner.

Clutching a hand over his sore eye, Zim scowled at the human. Dib simply grinned smugly, tugging on the leash and pulling himself free from the globule prison.

"Curse you, DIB!!!!!!!!!!!"

Relatively safe on the outside, Dib struggled to climb the leash up to the collar around Santa's neck. It didn't take much fiddling to find how to release it, the ring popping open and immediately shrinking back down to a manageable size. The sudden release had Dib falling the expansive distance to the ground. The breath was knocked out of him as he landed hard on his back. But he still clung tenaciously to the controller in his hand. Wheezing, dazed, and sore, Dib still wasted no time in righting himself and pressing a button on the controller.

The monster shrieked and thrashed wildly as if it were in pain. The jostling movements jarred Zim and GIR free. They, too, plummeted to the ground and a heavy thud. A white flame shot from beneath the colossus and, still roaring and jolting, it rocketed into the sky, far beyond the confines of the atmosphere, and back into space.

Dusty and broken, Zim stood shakily, brushing his hands over his clothes and then adjusting his lop-sided wig. Dib stood near by, watching the aliens right themselves. Zim turned his head and scowled.

"Ha! Merry Christmas, Zim!" Dib spat. "I hope you like your present!"

"You foiled my plans again, Dib-filth, but you won't always be around. You'll falter and I'll be there to rain destruction down upon the filthy ball of dirt you call home. And my victory will be sweeter knowing that ultimately it was you who I destroyed above and beyond all the other pig-cows that roam this disgusting planet.

The two stood for a moment in silence, staring each other down. Dib broke the silence, still standing in an almost quick-draw pose.

"Yeah, well. You're a dork."

The end.


End file.
